Everyone was asleep. I practically vaulted over the legs of my groom. He's lying on his side making it difficult so I pick the easiest over: his ankles. Crawling back up to the headboard though only wakes him. Dags. Without saying a word I lay looking out the window- wind. Oh great.

I am tired. It makes it all the more easy to become intimidated by the ruckus of the wind. Without thinking I snuggle next to my groom still half groggy [I never like to wake him]. I hear the wind gusting, moving the evergreen trees, and the alder. The sound quickly takes me back to my childhood bedroom: massive, bare, picture window, and a small corner window. And there's my bed perched right under it all. By the window, by the wind, by the ruckus. It can storm something awful so I grew up with many restless nights. The familiar rumble is outside my window now.

The branches outside my bedroom window move easily now. It creates a wicked shadow dark enough to pass through the blinds. My words escape, "I'm scared." More of the rumble than anything. Loud noises [and speed come to think of it] seem to do that to me. "It'll be OK" he says. I knew it would be. Not because of his word but because I'm an adult...well? Adultish now. But still, his words and squeeze on my shoulders help.

Truly,
TheBishop

Bad! Bad blogger! And so ... since last year I have managed to physically survive what seemed to be a recurring curse. It sounds dramatic when I put it that way but... I think that the way my day is turning then... it ... would be understandable.

Anyhoo... I have. I made it past the 9-12month mark for an episode. That's what I call 'em : "Episode". [*Not that this statement has anything to do with this post but the very word "episode" reminds me of that bumper sticker: "Next mood swing, 6 minutes."] I feel so relieved knowing I past the year mark without a trip to E.R. So cool!

I volunteered in my child's school recently. I noticed my daughter pretended not to know or see me. In fact, the friend that recently met me was more receptive to me that my own child. And so I figured that my child must be ... uhh... ashamed of me.

Of course asking your own chlid this will end up in denial. That being said? I had a hair cut- was told it was flattering to me (not said by family too- that's worth mentioning since family usually are more uhh... well? tends to try to keep the peace more, i.e. LIE) Not only have I had a cut, I joined a gym. Kinda cool. The way my family medical history goes it turns out that it is truly a venue I should go. And so... I am on the path to taking care of myself.

That's a difficult thing for me. I tend to ... [thinking] sacrifice my needs or wants for the sake of my family. Maybe not the right thing to do... forever. I advise weaker familes to not rock the boat until y'all are sure you love each other enough to tell truths. Me? It wa just about time I took care of me- make myself happy in the process.

P.S.
About those dinner dates? Recently we have only had enough time for lunch dates- even THEN it was with my money: not his. I invited him so... was only fair I dished out the money for it.

One quarter of school has ended today. My kids & I learned the hard way that our bedtime is not negotiable. LOL. I thought they older kids meant less sleep is needed. That much is true about sleep. Adults need at least 8 hours; kids need 9-11 hours. Right now both of my kids need about 10 1/2 to be fully functional and keep their game face on. I stressed more to my groom how crucial it was for us to sleep.

We had lost some sleep and man! My children and I had an absolutely. horrendous. day! They had tempers; with tempers came words; with words came ... well? A bedtime that we can all work with and still come out loving each other.

Some of the words: "I had the worst day of my life" and "I don't know." Thirty minutes of being home and all of us were in tears at our dining table- one dreading doing homework, the other has books everywhere and started already. It was then I resolved and announced the new enforced bedtime. Neither of them saying a word to the news and just nodded in agreement.

I sat at the table and sighed with tears in my eyes wondering why my groom has it easy as far as the kids go. He gets home when the arguments are over, and the kids are fed.

Gasp! How wicked is this?? Tblog just cleared my post! Maybe it's fate that I don't share my added roles, huh? LOL.

Well, my roles increased since school has begun. I am now also the tutor, teacher, and gatekeeper. Lucky Duck groom doesn't hear the moans & groans at the mention of my announcement, "Homework time!" He thinks that it is the easiest time of day. What he doesn't know is that I have to pray about noonish for my attitude not to sour; that my kids won't sour; and that we all walk away from the table still loving each other.

This is all in a span of 5 seconds. I was sitting at the computer. Lyrics were running through my head so I sang them. Yes, I can sing; anyhoo, the lyrics: "I want you to need me Like the air you breathe; I want you to feel me In everything...." yada yada yada.

So now, my groom walks by taking a seat elsewhere. He was singing another song. He can hold a tune, yes; but not the same as Taylor Hicks. He sings, "All is fair in love. Loves a crazy game. (Two people vow to stay In love as one they say. But all is changed with time.")

Before he can finish the third line of "people vow to stay" I stop him. "Do you hear that??" I was ... angry! I continue doing my best to not have my head do a 360º. "I sing 'I want you to need me' and you sing 'all is fair in love.' That's the difference between you and me." I was huffing, man. I had heard him say it before we were married, that "you never know what can happen."

Now that it was written it was two things that happened: the sting of past; the sting of a ... wife in pain. Did I apologize? no. I don't belive in apologizing for what you feel. I can't help if I'm as passionate as I am ;).

Seven out of ten women are not ...I thought I was going to share that but after seeing it on the screen? Nope. LOL. It was... Well? I'll say this: I need new ...uh... undergarments, to put it lightly.

And I DO want to put it lightly. My perspective is that this is public view. Being public, people might as well be discreet or delicate, right? Am I alone in this?? Hee!

I know that I, for one, appreciate people (bloggers) that share more of... a... personal nature instead of ... ahem... intimate natures. I mean, come on. I don't need to hear of your intimate natures, eh? I know that some people DO look for that, but ... why here? I mean in my opinion, a screen is hardly an place for intimacy. In my opinion, it rather (can be) a place more for acquaintances, information, etc.. Can you tell I'm one of the traditional values people? Hee!

I am. I did quizzes before. Not so much now though. Anyway at tickle.com I quizzed to be a Great Dane, "guardian of traditional values." So if traditional is acceptable to you, then welcome! If you're not traditional, I'm the one that rounds you out as well as you for me. :) Think on that!

I was laying on the couch. Everyone was in bed. I wasn't sleepy, much like tonight. Hmmm. What gives? Anyhow I was watching a movie. Now... that in itSELf is ... a change. I'm not one for movies or TV. However I was wide awake yet and needed to kill time.

Kinda silly conversation. A wife offers her husband to drive her husband's ex- girlfriend home. It was raining after all. The lady refuses and hurries away but the husband follows. Arrgh! Let her go home! I was becoming so vexed all alone watching that thing! Horrible! Anyhow he catches up, she shuts him out, he persists then BAM! They kiss! Noooo! Oh My God! I was so bummed that I finished the movie just to make sure it ended well.Ahh! Yes. They part.

Now. I have this thing, right? I can't stand The Other Woman no matter who (?whom) it is. Now. This is basically because my groom has had too many. And for the record, having just one is too many. And mine had (counting...) two ... that I know of; one that he vehemently denies; and umpteen that he wishes for. And so that's why I have trouble with affairs; other women; etc..

My view? I see it as "I do my job; I expect you to do yours." You know? Am I alone in this? I do the wife thing; the mother thing; etc. Is it too much to ask you to be the groom? The father? I know I have actually voiced this question to my groom. Over and over the response is "No." And so.... if if is not too much to expect? Why the flash of self-indulgence now and then? I don't get it.

It leaves me with the feeling of being unwanted; un-loved; forgotten. So goes my flash of self-deprecation.

I had a dream. It was odd. All of my dreams are kind of odd, come to think of it. Anyhoo...

I am surprised by this rocket that landed 2 feet away from us; amazingly, the others are not. I go inside to alert my mother. I find her in the kitchen. "I rocket just landed outside by us!" My mother was not phased. I try details to get her to realize what happened, "TWO FEET AWAY FROM US!" Still my mother just did her smile at me not saying a word. And so to soften my words to equal her nature, I say calmly, "but it didn't (hurt. i forget what i said.) It only felt like (something warm) hitting us." And that was that. I got to a room to rest since it WAS late evening.

There is more to it. However it is about my family in my room. Hmm. Not half as interesting as a rocket detonating next to me. :)

I piled my clean laundry on the loveseat; plopped myself next to them. Sigh. I fold the darks. Hmmm. I see that my son has humunga-dunga jeans. (Can anoyone tell where I picked up the word "humunga-dunga"?) I have to do something about those jeans. It reminds me that the time to school shop is too close.

I get to the bottom of the pile. Ahhh. I can't resist it anymore. I smile remembering the time I wrapped myself in a clean warm blanket. I hold up the buffalo-check shirt of my grooms. As I don the flannel another smile escapes my jaw. Hmm. Five days ago it hurt to smile. I am thankful that smiles and laughs are no longer painful. The shirt is on - I melt. What is it about warm clean laundry that makes me melt??

And so I was sitting on my love seat. I took a deep breath as I lifted a simple tortilla to eat. I knew it would not be easy. But I thought I could at least finish half of it. I. Was. Wrong.

Oh my gosh. Exasperrated I curtly hand my groom the plate. "Here," was all I could say and still be on good terms. "What?" "I can't finish it." Frustrtaed, tired, hungry. Horrible.

That was silly now that I mention it. I was either tired. Or hungry. Or both. Now I think it was both.

I have my oral surgeon to thank for this. Yup. On the brighter side, I now weigh .... ummm.... about... 6 ounces lighter- on account of my jaw.

Right now all my jaw can tolerate well is soft foods. I mean, really! How long can one live on mashed potatoes? Or oatmeal for breakfast? Is that real??

I remembered that guy mistaking me for another.

Now see that got me thinking why would someone one turn down dinner? I LOVE going out for dinner. I do! And so why "Glenda" did not meet up for dinner is beyond me.

Of course all of my dinners out are delightful. I mean it's always with my groom. Always. Right? Maybe... I imagine that why the guy was alone at dinner had to do with ... his personality? HA! Sorry, mister. That's how I see it now that it's in black and white.

It just makes me all the more thankful that I don't date anymore- 'ceppin for my groom!

Hey, now that something has happened I can actually write in this.

One thing is that I think I've been sick. I base that on my fatigue. For two days in a row I've felt like I was pushing myself to finish the day. Well? It caught up with me & I ended up falling asleep everywhere like a cat.

It first happened when I was watching DVDs with my groom. I was surprised that I couldn't finish at least an hour of watching with him. My groom was kind and allowed my to sleep.

Next I'd fallen asleep on him again the next day. My groom was considerrate enough to question how I'd been feeling. I am thankful for that. It made me feel like I shouldn't have slept like that though. Hmm. His question made me feel guilty.

This link has information from a source wishing to remain anonymous. And yes, I am watching American Idol. Ha! And no, Kellie Pickler should not be in the finals; neither should Covais. That's me. I'm sure there are more people who feel the same.

And no. I have nothing right now to write of except that I've found that info on Pickler. I know. Well? There is... are... things that's happened but I'll try to keep those to myself until I'm ready.